Prepare Yourself

 

Prepare Yourself

                                               https://www.ldsliving.com/Young-Men-Lesson-44-Preparing-Now-for-Temple-Marriage/s/62641

In this post, I will cover key principles on the following aspects of dating

• factors that affect your choice
• preparing for a serious relationship
• ending a relationship☹
• true love 

These topics typically cross your mind at some point if you are in the process of finding your partner. Some people call them soulmates/the one, etc. Have you ever thought about what could affect your partner selection? 

Not many people realize that their past experiences (for example, childhood) influence their future choices. It includes choosing a spouse and having a successful relationship. Now, it does not mean that your past defines your future. However, there are behaviour and character that need to be fixed or improved for a successful marriage. Another way to prepare for it is to evaluate your physical and emotional health. Consider how you cope with stress, express feelings (anger, love, frustration), react to different situations (panicking), etc. These are just some of the facts that couples should review about themselves and each other (Holman et al, p. 17).

In the process of choosing your companion, you need to pay attention to two things – mutual attraction and the right qualities. It is not enough to know that the person has a temple recommend. Find opportunities to observe him/her in diverse situations. Afifi and Lucas (2008) said, “the most information-rich environment for observing others are those in which the target person is interacting with others … and those that relatively few social constraints on behaviour” (p. 136). You will learn about the person much more if you observe them than talk to them. Also, spend quality time together and do activities that will help you know if you are compatible or not.

“Mature love leads to success in marriage and family life while immature love does not support success in marriage and family life. Love expresses itself through our emotions, beliefs, and behaviours” (Holman, p. 20). It makes a big difference in a relationship if couples exercise mature love. Noller (1996) makes some clear points about this, in Table 2.1 (p. 21):

• immature love – infatuation, possessiveness, “Love is Blind,” “Cupid’s Arrow,” selfish, lustful, over-dependent, etc.
• mature love – lasting passion, warm feeling of contentment, “Love is something you have to decide,” sacrifice, trust, growth and development, etc

 Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1975, p. 108) states, “True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time.” This and other statements made by prophets and researchers prove that true love is daily hard work, and a successful relationship takes a lifetime. Couples who are committed will manage to make sacrifices and effort for the mutual benefit of the family. 

Nevertheless, not all relationships will end up with an eternal sealing. Thus, you should be ready to end your relationship in a way that will not harm your companion too much. You should not look at it as an end, but a new start with learned experience. Remember to maintain respect and not force your partner into a relationship. 

Finally, don’t slide into a relationship (Holman, p. 22). Discuss and decide with your partner where your relationship is. couples who do not do this are risking to slide into premarital sexual intimacy, instead of deciding to go into it. Both partners should be open about their views on the relationship and discuss their doubts. Another resource of support and counsel are parents (Monson, 2004, p. 4). Seek their advice if you can not decide whether your decision is right.

In sum, dating couples should prepare themselves for a serious relationship through deliberate actions. They should not only worry about finding the right person but also being a worthy person. Couples should be open and get to know each other as much as possible before marriage. To have a lasting relationship, they should develop mature love. As well as, they shouldn’t just prepare for their wedding, but prepare themselves for an eternal union under the direction of God.

 

Afifi, W. A., & Lucas, A. A. (2008). Information seeking in the initial stages of relational development. In S. Sprecher, A. Wenzel, & J. Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of relationship initiation (pp. 135-151). New York: Psychology Press

Ashton, M. J. (1975, November). Love takes time. Ensign, 5, 108–110.

Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2016). The ABCs of Successful Romantic Relationship Development: Meeting, Dating, and Choosing, and Eternal Companion. In 1020834469 784332737 A. J. Hawkins, 1020834470 784332737 D. C. Dollahite, & 1020834471 784332737 T. Draper (Authors), Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 16-24). Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Monson, T. S. (2004, October). The message: Whom shall I marry? New Era, 34, 4–7.

Noller, P. (1996). What is this thing called love? Defining the love that supports marriage and family. Personal Relationships, 3, 97–115.