Have you tried everything?

 

Have you tried everything?

Researchers have estimated that 40 to 50 percent of first marriages—and about 60 percent of remarriages—are ending in divorce in the United States (Hawkins et al, 2011, p. 79). Overall, the divorce rate is high all over the world compared to the numbers a few decades ago. In a world where we can replace every broken thing with a new one in an instant, marriage has lost its value and purpose. People change partners and replace spouses so often that they do not experience a lasting relationship.

https://imd.co.uk/international-divorce-case-study-when-the-respondent-lives-abroad-and-does-not-engage-in-the-proceedings-in-the-uk/

James E. Faust explained, “In my opinion, “just cause” should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being” (2004, p. 6).

He has designed a three-part test for those who are considering divorce.

Prolonged difficulties

It is easy to blame the partner for everything and not spend enough time to fix things. Take as much time as it needs to heal the relationship. Do not rush to find the solution to ending it. Let’s keep in mind that companions are not objects and getting a new one will not solve the problem. 

Apparently irredeemable relationship

“While a member of the Seventy, Elder Bruce C. Hafen (2005) taught that we have a shepherd’s covenant in our marriages, not a hireling’s contract: “The good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep; but he that is an hireling . . . seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep and fleeth” ( John 10:11–12). Even in the face of serious problems, Elder Hafen urges us to do all that we can to protect the marriage” (Hawkins et al, 2011, p. 81).

Each spouse should do his part in trying to fix the broken relationship, even if the other does not. The process is difficult but the reward is what will make you happy.

Destruction of human dignity

If the relationship has become threatening to the spouses in any way then it will be healthier to end it (destroying one’s sense of self-worth, abuse, repeated infidelity, etc.)

Often the problem causing divorce is that people avoid the problems and do not want to resolve them. Divorce might only not fix the issues but also cause more negative effects, especially on children. Thus, every couple should try their best to save what they have instead of letting go of what they have already achieved.

Dallin H. Oaks shares words of wisdom:

I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. . . . Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us. (2007, p. 71-72)

 

Implying these wise principles in a marital relationship will increase the chances to have a successful and lasting family.

 

 

Faust, J. E. (2004, August). Fathers, mothers, marriage. Ensign, 34(8), 3–7.

Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2016). Should I Keep Trying to Work it Out? Sacred and Secular Perspectives on the Crossroads of Divorce. In Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 79-88). Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Oaks, D. H. (2007, May). Divorce. Ensign, 37(5), 70–73.